M. Thomas Cooper

CHARACTERS

CHRIS & ALEX: A young couple.

Please feel free to cast this without a bias towards gender.

Headboard was first performed at the 2010 The Working Theatre Collective’s 20 Erotic Shorts show. Chris was played by Cooper Bombadil, Alex was played by Jason Sample-March, and it was directed by Ashley Hollingshead.

(Chris and Alex sit on a couch reading. Gradually the sound of a headboard banging against the wall grows and grows. Soft, rhythmic moaning can occasionally be heard.)

                                                                        CHRIS

Please don’t tell me the neighbors are at it again.                                                                       

                                                                         ALEX

They’re at it again.

                                                                        CHRIS

I told you… Oh, sweet, mother of—

                                                                        ALEX

Wow, it sure sounds like someone knows what they’re doing.

                                                                        CHRIS

And what do you mean by that?

                                                                        ALEX

Nothing. Really. I’m just saying. Wow.

                                                                        CHRIS

You have to go talk to them.

                                                                        ALEX

They just moved in. And why me?

                                                                        CHRIS

That’s the third time this week they’ve—

                                                                        ALEX

Third time today.

                                                                        CHRIS

No.

                                                                        ALEX

Yes. Impressed?

                                                                        CHRIS

You have to go talk to them.

                                                                        ALEX

Why me? You’re the one it’s bothering.

                                                                        CHRIS

Because we are both invested in our happiness. And if I’m not happy you’re not happy.

                                                                        ALEX

Really?

                                                                        CHRIS

I believe history has proven it to be so.

                                                                        ALEX

I’ll give them your best.

                                                                        CHRIS

Thank you.

                                                                        ALEX

You’re welcome.

(Alex exits. A door opens and closes. Knocking. The headboard falls silent. The sound of muffled voices. A conversation. Laughter. More conversation. Time passes. Finally Alex returns.)

                                                                        CHRIS

Where have you been?

                                                                        ALEX

What? I asked them to stop.

                                                                        CHRIS

Like a half-hour ago.

                                                                        ALEX

So?

                                                                        CHRIS

So, did you get a recipe for asa bucho or simply explain Einstein’s theory of relativity to them?

                                                                        ALEX

Whoa there! Step away from the ledge, Psycho Fabulous. It was none of that. I actually attempted to describe your convoluted feelings of love and appreciation for me.